Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
