I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
