im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
