look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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