all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
