the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
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I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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