I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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