well you can't waste a boner
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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