Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
