If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I looked at my own cervix.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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