You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
