New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
