You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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