Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
