i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
