The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
