There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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