how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
