i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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