so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
