Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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