i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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