I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
