i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
