Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
