I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
