dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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