OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
