omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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