thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
