In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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