Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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