I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's like God shit irony all over that family
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
