if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
