i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
