Porn is love you can see.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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