i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
