She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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