So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
