I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
