this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
