Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
