I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
