I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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