my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
