whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
