my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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