At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
