I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I want her autograph on my taint
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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