Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
