end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
