he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
