They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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