Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
