I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
