"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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