We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
