I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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