just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
