Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
