Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
