The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He passed out mid-signature
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
