How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
