u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
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