i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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