just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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