oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
