my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
