i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
